Happy April 1st and welcome to the first day of the Blog-A-Versary countdown until April 15th! If you missed yesterday’s blog, I’m blogging every day of April in honor of my Blog-A-Versary! Today I wanted to just start off this month with a bang! Swimsuit season is approaching as it’s getting in the 90’s here in Tampa, but I wasn’t always as confident as I am now in a swimsuit. Here’s the journey –
All my life I’ve only been a 45 minute drive away from the beach! The beach has always been my happy place. I’ve always loved being near the water, sitting in the sand. It reminds me of family and many memories. Growing up, I wasn’t concerned about the way I looked in a swimsuit until what happened at school one day.
I remember walking through the beige, dull hallway at my middle school overhearing my classmates talk about a popular boy’s pool party and that everyone was invited. I remember turning around in the doorway saying – “I wasn’t invited..” one of the boys proceeded to say “because we don’t want to see all that in a swimsuit” while making a hand gesture referencing my whole body.
That always stuck with me and I don’t really know why. I wanted to just have fun, but I was being torn down in the process. I remember being so conscious of what I looked like when I was in a swimsuit. If I was invited to a party where there was a pool I knew I didn’t want to go in the pool or take off my cover up. You could catch me near the cool ranch Doritos though!
One of the last pool parties I went to I was inside the whole time with the parents eating chips while analyzing the details of the Doritos. I sat on the bar stool looking out at all the thinner girls wishing that could be me, but it just wasn’t. That day was the day I found out of that cool ranch Doritos actually have green and red speckles on them.
The swimsuit self-love journey was not an easy one. When I was around family, I was fine. When I was around others there was not way I was comfortable at all. It took a while for me to be okay with my body. The self-love journey period took a very long time for me to get to. It was learning to love and accept myself for who I am.
Throughout high school, there were tons of times I would go to the beach with friends. One pieces were my choice in high school. Maybe the occasional high waisted bottom Similar today, but the difference in all of it was my confidence. Confidence didn’t happen overnight. It was hard work to say “I am beautiful” or “I look good in a swimsuit”. It was realizing that I needed to say it out loud and say it to my face in the mirror.
Any time I would put on a swimsuit I’d just look in the mirror and say negative self-talk. There was no stopping the negative talk when I was feeling down. My mindset HAD to change. I just remember finally after a point of being negative towards myself and wishing I looked different, it just stopped when I said in the mirror the day of prom that I was beautiful.
The journey still continued as I was trying to change my mindset even more. I gain a sense of confidence after high school into college. I stopped caring about what I was looking like in a swimsuit and just LIVED. Once I started just enjoying myself on the beach all my worries about my swimsuit went away.
The past four years I’ve seen the most growth in my self-confidence. My body confidence is a 10/10 now. I learned that you just need take it day by day and it will get better. Start telling yourself your beautiful. Buy that two piece you have been wanting to try. Buy that one piece. Buy. A. Swimsuit. You don’t need wear a two piece to feel confident either. I learned that I can feel just as confident in a one piece as I do in a two piece.
Don’t hold up your life because you worry about what people say or what they may think. You are the only one that can set yourself free – and being free on that beach is a great feeling.
I show you these photos from my shoot on the beach that I took during spring break for several reasons. When I bought this suit, I said “I’m breaking every plus size stereotype with this swimsuit.”
“Don’t wear a two piece – Don’t wear stripes – Don’t wear bold colors” Like NO. Good bye to all those “reasons” not to wear something. I felt CONFIDENT. That day, I felt the most confident I had ever been because I finally LET GO. I strut down the beach to the water, no matter how cold it was and I posed. It was the most freeing thing and I felt it more than any other time I’ve ever taken photos in my whole journey as a blogger.
I wanted to show you different poses like sitting down on the sand with my thighs out, a close of of my face with a double chin, my rolls on rolls, my cellulite and different lumps on my thighs – THIS. THIS is what I mean when I say you are are the person to set yourself free from ALL the expectations that people and society puts on us and how we should dress.
I‘m plus size. I wear a two piece matching set from Torrid. I wear bold bright colors that match my personality. I wear stripes because I was told all my life I shouldn’t. AND. I love myself and I’m confident.
If you take away one thing from this blog, please remember that when you have those moments of self-doubt, just know that you aren’t alone. We’ve ALL been there. Put on that swimsuit, get to the nearest body of water and strut your stuff. You deserve to live your life and be happy.
Sending you lots of sunshine and love! See you tomorrow for Blog-A-Versary Day 2!